Sewing First

I've created a few things with my sewing machine over the years, but never using a pattern. I've made a hair bow holder, sleeping bag, burp cloths, pillowcase dress, and baby blankets- but all by winging it, and never using precise measurements. Obviously I'm not a perfectionist, and sewing is a perfect example. I like to get things done- snip-snap, get it finished. I hate dilly dallying. I never have a future in quilting. The closest I ever came to sewing anything in a precise way was when I made a nursing cover at my seamstress/best friend Amy's house. She showed me how to do everything, and almost literally held my hand through every step. I wish she could move in with me. Or at least live in the same state.

Today, I made Brooke a skirt- and I actually used a pattern (download it here) and measured stuff. It's even reversible! It took me three times as long as it should have, and I"m sure that anyone who sews past a beginner level could probably tear my skills apart looking at it- but, I finished it, it fits her, and she loves it! I am so excited. She can't wait to wear it tomorrow.

Pretty Medical

More than a year and a half ago, Lydia's allergist strongly suggested a medical bracelet for Lydia to wear for her food allergies. I resisted the idea for awhile because I didn't want our daughter "labeled" for even strangers, and I felt that since we were with her all of the time, it wasn't necessary. Then, following her asthma diagnosis (again, medic alert jewelry strongly suggested) and finally her epilepsy diagnosis six months ago- I had to admit that yes, medical jewelry was a definite must. I looked online for days, and could never find anything pretty or cute enough in Lydia's size. I did decide during my research that I wanted to subscribe to the company Medic Alert, because Lydia would be given her own personal ID number. That way, any medical personnel could access her full health information during an emergency. It's information that I provide myself and keep updated online. The problem was that the jewelry they offered in her size wasn't Lydia's style. Well, ok, not my style. It just wasn't cute enough to me, so I came up with an idea that combined the best of both worlds. My idea would let me change the look and style of her bracelet every day, while still using Medical Alert's ID number. Making the jewelry chain myself seemed simple enough. Hahaha!!! Fifty dollars in materials later, I realized that making jewelry isn't that easy. I whined on Facebook about my failure, and a very gracious friend helped me out. She makes jewelry as a hobby, so I told her my idea. I asked her to make beaded chains with lobster claws on each side, that could be easily interchanged with the medical plate from Medic Alert. It worked perfectly! My friend made me two chains- one white pearl and one black pearl. They were just as pretty as I imagined. My mom wanted to have some made for her too, so we went to a bead store downtown, where we had a few more options made.

Here's one of the chains.

The lobster claws attach to each end of the medical plate. All of her medical conditions and allergies are engraved on the back, as well as the 1-800 number for Medic Alert, and Lydia's personal ID number.

I bought a jewelry holder, because the box on her dresser was too much of a temptation for her to play with in the middle of the night.

I recently purchased her a necklace as well. I replaced the too long/not very cute chain with this one I bought at Piercing Pagoda.

My little cutie! 

Brooke's Baptism

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

3 John 1:4 I have no greater JOY than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Joy!!!

In the Palm of His Hand

So, yesterday was interesting, to say the least. Our church had a pool party in town to celebrate a great week of Vacation Bible School. I was in the baby pool with Lydia and Isaac when I noticed several raised bumps on Lydia's torso. She wasn't crying, and at first I thought maybe a mosquito bit her several times. Then I noticed an obvious sting mark on her wrist, and knew she was reacting to either a bee or wasp. I gave her Benadryl, but it didn't seem to make a difference.Within minutes the hives became bigger on her chest and side, and her lips started to swell. That's when I completely broke down and lost it. I couldn't hold the tears in as the fear overtook me, and I began sobbing. God is so gracious in His care, and I don't think it was an accident that I was surrounded by loving friends who took over for me. One called 911, while others took care of my other three children. Paramedics were there almost immediately, and my heart soon calmed down. Lydia was visibly shaken and scared, and her usually mild tremors were obviously worse. I tried my best to put on a happy face for her, and stopped my own tears. While in the ambulance, peace came over me. I felt the prayers of friends, and I was able to smile and talk to Lydia while helping her stay calm.

To make a long story short, it took two (maybe three, I can't remember clearly) doses of epinephrine, two to three doses of Benadryl, and steroids to bring her back to normal. At no time was her breathing ever compromised. HUGE praise. We went home that night.


I've struggled today to remind myself who's in control. I wish I could keep her indoors 24/7 where I can keep her safe. That's not faith though. That's just wild and uncontrolled fear. I am learning to let go and leave it in His hands. Again.  


Part of me is sad. Lots of tears. Another part is angry at one more way our daughter could possibly die.
As if food, air, and brain function weren't enough methods.


In the weeks leading up to Lydia's recent food allergy testing, I prayed so hard for all of her allergies to be taken away. Part of my prayer was that if it wasn't in His plan to completely heal her, that He would at least remove the shellfish allergy. Random, but that was my prayer. Guess what allergy she no longer has? Her dairy and peanut allergies were even worse, and she has a new allergy to melons, but tears welled up in my eyes when I heard about the shellfish, because I knew He had heard me. It was as if I literally felt Him hold me in that moment, and remind me of His care for both me and Lydia. 


We'll get through this. In the palm of His hand. 

Strength in Weakness

I can't help but find it strangely coincidental that Lydia has such a combination of health problems. That seems like a pretty hard hand to be dealt at such a young age. There are certain types of seizures related to food allergies, but she doesn't have those kinds of seizures, and so - backed by medical research- we've been told that her allergies and asthma are unrelated to her type of epilepsy. I can't help but wonder, though, if there's more to know and do for her. I decided to reach out online to find other families who may be in the same unique situation that we are in. We have an amazing family and friend support network who are behind us all the way, but there's something to be said for talking to someone who is completely living through what you are. So, even though I've avoided it for several months now, I joined an epilepsy advocate group online. The very first posting I read was from a friend of a high school senior who had just died the day before from one of her seizures. Died. Three weeks before graduating high school. I looked up her facebook profile that was tagged in the post. She was beautiful. Had lots of friends. Involved in her community. Planning her graduation. Now dead.


There are epilepsy patients far worse off than our daughter, which has helped me put things into a healthy perspective. But after learning about this girl, who obviously lived a normal day to day life, now suddenly snatched away by her disease, I was petrified that Bill and I would one day experience what her parents were at that very moment. I couldn't sleep that night. When I did sleep, I had nightmares of her dying. The sadness spilled over into the next couple days. I had faith in God and His care, but this is reality- that His plan may not be to heal her. God's children experience that kind of tragedy every day- we aren't always spared from the pain of this world just because we are His.


The day before seeing the post on the epilepsy page, I'd already struggled with my anger over Lydia's health. It was the last day of preschool, and I had planned to "celebrate" at the spa during my last two free hours of the school year. Then I realized that there was going to be a pizza party for the kids immediately after pick up. So for those two hours, instead of getting a pedicure, I made spaghetti and homemade bread, and baked a cake so that Lydia could eat some of her favorite foods at the party. My anger kept building all morning long. I wasn't mad at anyone in particular, and I certainly didn't resent having to cook for her- I was furious that my baby couldn't even eat a freaking piece of pizza like the other kids. That once again, she had to be different. How do you explain that to a two year old?


By the time I arrived to the school, I was a few minutes late. I gave Isaac his pizza and chips, and put out Lydia's food. She pointed to the other kids eating, and looked at me. I redirected her attention to her yummy food and braced myself for her tears. But instead of crying, she just put her head down and sighed, defeated. It was like she gave up. I choked back the tears and felt the anger welling up inside. I was furious. I prayed silently to God, "Why?? Why?? Why does she have to deal with all of this?? I know You have a plan. But right now I don't understand, and honestly, right now this plan sucks." It pains me to even type that out because of my shame in it, but I was flat out honest with Him about my anger and confusion- maybe for the very first time. I was admitting it to myself and to Him. But instead of repenting of my attitude, I held on to the anger for a few days longer, allowing it to turn to bitterness. Anger itself is not a sin, but what we do with it can be. 


By the end of the week, I was sick of living with myself. I was depressed. I wasn't praying or reading my Bible as I should, and it was spilling out into everywhere else in my life. In a way it was good to get out my feelings, but I wasn't doing it in a healthy way. I had enough, and prayed for Him to change my heart. I asked Him to help me fully trust again, and of course He did. It was perfect timing because Lydia became sick the very next morning with a virus. She was spiking fevers, which is dangerous with her epilepsy. She's more prone to seizure activity in those times. By midweek her fever was thankfully gone, but the virus had triggered her asthma. She became steadily worse until she was hospitalized on Thursday of last week. She did well soon after admission, and was able to go home Friday evening. 


During this time, I started a new Bible study online with some friends called Faithful, Abundant, True (or FAT as we like to call it) based on a Deeper Still conference in Orlando a couple years ago. The first two weeks were written by Kay Arthur, and she taught on faithfulness. What I learned in the past couple days has really resonated with me. She taught that true rest is found in faith. (Hebrews 3:17-4:3) Kay said, "If I were going to give you a visual of the rest of faith, it would be your head resting on the Bible." On the flip side, unbelief is a lack of faith, and that in itself is sin. Romans 14:23 "...whatever is not from faith is sin." We have to stay in the Word of God to stay strong in our faith. Romans 10:17 "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God."


Kay covered Hebrews 11, and the verse that really stuck out to me was the verse about Sarah. I've read this chapter countless times, and Kay didn't even bring out this verse in particular, so I'm sure it was the Holy Spirit stirring me. It says, "By faith, Sarah herself also received strength..." It made me want to cry- because when I think of Sarah, I immediately think of her laughing in unbelief. My own son is named Isaac, which is the name her son was given, meaning laughter. She made a big mistake in not believing what God said He would do, yet she made it into the book of Hebrews because of her faith! What does that say about the redeeming grace of God? I screwed up big time, just like Sarah did when she laughed, and I was angry because I didn't like God's plan. He hasn't decided to instantly heal my daughter and restore complete health to her little body, and that can be hard to accept. But He still loves me, and His Son- my Jesus- is not ashamed of me. He can and will do great things for our family. My sins are remembered no more. I am weak, but His strength is made perfect in my weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9.  He gives power to the weak; I will mount up with wings like eagles, and I will run and not be weary. Isaiah 40:29-31. I don't have to fear, because He is with me! He will strengthen me, help me, uphold me with His righteous hand. Isaiah 41:10. 


I love Psalm 73:26, because it feels like it was written just for me- "My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever." I may not understand His plan, but that verse-that I do understand. And amen to that.

Irresistible Love

I woke up Saturday morning with a simple idea, and it should have only taken a half hour. I was going to move the linens out of the hall closet, and use the space to store all of our board games and puzzles instead. I was then going to combine all the sheets and towels into the linen closet of our master bedroom. (I've mentioned it before, but a massive number of closets is one reason that I fell in love with this house.) Once I got started, though, I couldn't stop. Ten hours and several closets, drawers, and cabinets later, I'd purged our home of three bags of trash, three bags of donation items, and numerous kitchen appliances that no longer needed to take up useful space. It felt great, and I learned a couple things about myself. One: I really need a way to organize my kids' drawings and school papers. Two: I'm a greeting card hoarder. If you sent us a "congrats on the new baby" card, chances are I still have it. I found lots of treasures along the way though- old love notes, notes between Amy and I in school, old pamphlets about childbirth and breastfeeding, and then most importantly- a prayer of salvation I'd written out four years ago for my children. I adapted it from a book my mom bought me called Praying the Scriptures for Your Children by Jodie Berndt. It's a prayer that I've spoken in some form or another even as a child and teen myself, before I was ever ready to start a family of my own. It's a prayer that's already been fulfilled in my older two children, and yet to be filled in Isaac and Lydia. It's the most important prayer I could ever pray in my lifetime, and so I wanted to share it here. I wrote it out for each one of my three children four years ago, and plan to write it out for Lydia now as well. While I have been praying for Isaac and Lydia's salvation since my pregnancies with them, I think it helps to have the words spelled out using Scripture interwoven throughout the prayer, and to pray His promises word for word.

Here it goes:

Thank you for loving Isaac so much that You gave Your one and only Son, that when Isaac believes in Him, he will not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16) We pray that Isaac will trust in You and never be shaken. (Psalm 125:1) We pray that he will repent of his sin and confess with his mouth that Jesus is Lord. We pray that he will believe in his heart that You have raised Christ from the dead. Guide Isaac to call on Your name Lord, and save him. (Romans 10: 9,13.) We pray that Isaac, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how long and how wide and how high and how deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses all understanding, that Isaac may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3: 18-19)

I believe two things that may seem incompatible. I know that each one of us comes to God of our own free will and choice, and we cannot pray another person into Heaven ourselves. I also believe what God has promised in 1 John- that whatever we ask according to His will, we will have what we have asked. My children's salvation is well within the will of God. I pray that God's love will be so overwhelming to my children that He will be found irresistible. I have no idea what it would feel like to have an adult child living outside the will of God, but in Jodie Berndt's book, she states, "God wants our children to be saved. When you pray for your children's salvation, you can be confident that you are praying in accordance with God's will." She references 2 Peter 3:9, "The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

I John 5:14-15 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him.

She's Seven!

My little girl is seven! Unbelievable. It feels like we just brought her home from the hospital, and yet she's growing up into a beautiful young lady. She likes to goof off and tell jokes, is into crafts and painting, and loves ballet and tennis. She is kind, generous, and all around a cool kid. For her birthday this year, she asked to go to the pottery place in my hometown. I was glad to be responsible only for a cake, and not have to decorate the house. 

The original cake she picked out was a character cake with nearly a dozen 3 dimensional mice and cats in ballerina outfits. (I'll pause for laughter...) I was actually up to the challenge- until the week of her party when I completely chickened out. I had a talk with Brooke, and we looked online together for more cake ideas. I was so excited when she picked out this cake. Easy peasy. I chose a white base icing color, and violet roses.

I placed the cake on a cooling rack to make it easier to apply the roses on the sides of the cake.

Finished! This was one of the easiest cakes I've ever done, and one of my favorites. I really got the hang of it by the end, and contemplated scraping the roses off and making it more "perfect", but Brooke loved it so much I didn't bother. It was her opinion that counted the most to me anyway.

Painting at the party. There were some adorable group shots with her friends, but I don't know how their mommies feel about me posting their pictures online. I need to remember to ask them...

My two other pretty ladies painting with mommy.

Playing hide and seek while waiting for everyone to finish painting.

One of her friends bought her a caboodle!!! Blast from the past. I was super excited.

She has precious friends. Several made her homemade cards and books. I love her girls.

Is she really seven??

Adorable, aren't they?

Happy birthday Brooke! Mommy and Daddy love you so much, and we are so proud of you!!