Three Year Blessings

I held my breath while the ultrasound tech waved the wand over my belly. I was pretty sure she'd say pink- I already had two little girls at home, and couldn't imagine that it would be any different this time around. Then she pointed at the screen, and I knew what she was about to say. "It's a boy." A boy? As in dirt and worms, loud and hyper? As in no dresses, frills, or nail polish? What would I do with a boy?? I felt a twinge of disappointment. My girls would always need me for girl talk, but wouldn't a boy drop the need for his mommy as soon as he hit adolescence? All of these thoughts rushed in within a split second. And then I looked over at Bill. The smile said it all. He loves his girls more than life- he is wrapped around their little fingers- but now he had a son. Even if all my "fears" came true, his joy right there was worth it.

About three months later, Isaac came into the world. It was the dream birth experience I'd always hoped for, and will never forget. I delivered him in a water birth at a small birth center, surrounded by friends and family. I started to cry the instant I pulled him up to my chest and held him close. As I snuggled with him in bed a short time later, I knew that life with a son was something I'd be forever grateful for. I am struggling for a way to put it into words. I love all of my children equally, but each one brings something different to me. For Isaac- he's the mixture of rough and sweet that only a little boy could bring. As much as he runs from me and rubs off my kisses, I know he loves me deeply. On his last night of being a two year old, I tucked him in to bed and started to cry. My mind went back to the birth center where I first fell madly in love with him. I remembered holding him while watching Bill cut the cord- the first of many moments I would have to let go of a part of him. As the tears fell down my cheeks last night with the memories overwhelming me, Isaac sat up in bed, kissed my tears and wrapped his little arms around me.

Isaac- I love how you call me "mama". I love how you lay in my bed in the morning, put your nose up to my face and loudly whisper. "MAMA. spugebob." (Spongebob.) You pretend to not like my kisses, and immediately rub them off. You try to be strong and hide your crying when your feelings are hurt. One of your favorite books is Llama Llama Misses Mama, and you get very emotional throughout each page- I can tell you are feeling little llama's pain as his mama leaves him at preschool for the first time. You ask both daddy and mommy to read your Matchbox Cars book to you each night. And mommy is so very proud of you for how well your speech has improved in the past year. Just the other day you woke up and said, "I go downstairs and play, mama." Even just three short months ago I wouldn't have imagined being able to hear you say that much. You love to cook, and enjoy baking cookies with mommy nearly every day.

To say "I love you" doesn't seem like strong enough words. You are my precious, precious son, and I am so blessed to have you in my life. XOXOXOXO