All 4 Music

When I asked Isaac what kind of birthday party he wanted, he told me a guitar party, and then that later evolved to drums. I decided to make it easier on myself and broaden it to a music theme. He used to be obsessed with Disney Junior's Imagination Movers (whatever happened to that show??) and plays air guitar constantly. Anything resembling a stick becomes a drumstick, if he hasn't turned it into a gun already. Most of my ideas came from Pinterest, but I can take credit for a couple on my own. 

Most of the food items, including the drum cake stand idea, came from Pinterest. The cake ball microphones and chocolate covered banana piano keys were last minute add-ons I came up with the night before. The music notes were chocolate covered rice krispie treats.

More ideas taken from Pinterest. The guests picked out their own guitar to decorate and take home.

Goodwill was a perfect spot to find the records. I knew someone in town would be trying to get rid of some.

Madeline picking out her guitar.

The kids also painted "drums". This was the quietest part of the party- and not messy at all!

Isaac was nervous at the attention, so I blew out the candles for him. I didn't mind.

Isaac, you pretend to not need me anymore, but any room I go into, you are quick to follow. You turn anything into a gun or a drum. You love on your puppy Jack, sometimes a little too much. You have that same laugh that I have loved ever since you were a baby.You are daddy's boy and jump up and down when he walks in the door. Even though I don't sleep well and it usually hurts my neck when you hog the bed, I think it's precious when you come into our room in the middle of night and say, "mommy- I sleep with you. Hold me. Scratch my back." You have made huge strides in your speech. Your therapist was so proud of you for saying "yellow" correctly yesterday- she said you were shocked yourself when you said it. You knew what a big deal that was. You are still very shy, but talk nonstop at home, and have said a few sentences in preschool and Sunday School, which is a huge step for you. Daddy started doing reading lessons with you, and you are excited to learn how to read like your big sisters. You love to protect and take care of Lydia, who you sweetly call "Baby". It's so precious when you take her by the hand and lead her places. She looks up to you so much.

Isaac, I love you so much it brings a lump in my throat just to think about how deeply so. I wish that I could keep you small forever and always protect you. I've done really well at giving you roots, but it's the wings part I need to work on down the road. Happy fourth birthday!!

Great Grandparents

Isaac is our shy boy. I never worry about him running away from me in a parking lot because he's usually clawing at my hand while glued to my side, terrified he'll be hit by a car. He is friendly to strangers as long as they don't try to get too close. He still whimpers when I drop him off at Sunday School with the same friendly faces he's known for two years now. Knowing all of this, I'm very glad that even though he doesn't see him every week, Isaac constantly asks about my Pap pap (my maternal grandfather) and wants to go see him. We don't see my Pap pap as much as we should or I'd like- he and my grandma don't live in the same town as us, and he is home-bound. When we do go visit them, Isaac is immediately playing with Pap Pap and getting as close to him as possible. It's like they have an instant connection. He also loves my grandma to pieces and likes to sit on her lap. Pap Pap and Grandma are my only living grandparents, and I love them both very much. I have great memories of sleepovers in their home with my cousins, watching Grandma frying her yummy cheeseburgers, and making milkshakes in Grandma's kitchen. Recently my Grandma made my kids chocolate milk, and it brought back those memories again.

Pap Pap (James Robert ) as a young man.

Pap pap and Grandma back when they were young loves. They are still in love, and young at heart. :) They raised five children together.

Pap Pap in 1954. James Robert  served our country in both the Marines and the Air Force. He was the driver for Admiral Delaney as a Marine. He retired as Master Sargeant of the Air Force.  

Taken in April of 1954 under a B36 Peacemaker at Lowry Air Force Base near Denver, Colorado.

Pap Pap holding my mother, born in 1957.

My sister and I eating popcorn with Pap Pap. One of my favorite childhood memories. He used to pick through the bowl and find pieces without the kernel for us.

Pap Pap holding baby Isaac. I love their grins here.

Grandma and Isaac- she loves holding her babies. She and Pap Pap have fifteen grandchildren, and eighteen great grandchildren- (did I count that right?)

Look how little they are! 

Isaac was almost two years old here, loving on Pap Pap.

Little snuggler.

More recent picture- look, no teeth! I grew up thinking Pap Pap had magic teeth he could take in and out.

Mom, Pap pap and all four of my children. Thanks, Mom, for your interest in geneology, and giving me easy access to all these pictures!

Love you Pap Pap and Grandma!!!



Three Year Blessings

I held my breath while the ultrasound tech waved the wand over my belly. I was pretty sure she'd say pink- I already had two little girls at home, and couldn't imagine that it would be any different this time around. Then she pointed at the screen, and I knew what she was about to say. "It's a boy." A boy? As in dirt and worms, loud and hyper? As in no dresses, frills, or nail polish? What would I do with a boy?? I felt a twinge of disappointment. My girls would always need me for girl talk, but wouldn't a boy drop the need for his mommy as soon as he hit adolescence? All of these thoughts rushed in within a split second. And then I looked over at Bill. The smile said it all. He loves his girls more than life- he is wrapped around their little fingers- but now he had a son. Even if all my "fears" came true, his joy right there was worth it.

About three months later, Isaac came into the world. It was the dream birth experience I'd always hoped for, and will never forget. I delivered him in a water birth at a small birth center, surrounded by friends and family. I started to cry the instant I pulled him up to my chest and held him close. As I snuggled with him in bed a short time later, I knew that life with a son was something I'd be forever grateful for. I am struggling for a way to put it into words. I love all of my children equally, but each one brings something different to me. For Isaac- he's the mixture of rough and sweet that only a little boy could bring. As much as he runs from me and rubs off my kisses, I know he loves me deeply. On his last night of being a two year old, I tucked him in to bed and started to cry. My mind went back to the birth center where I first fell madly in love with him. I remembered holding him while watching Bill cut the cord- the first of many moments I would have to let go of a part of him. As the tears fell down my cheeks last night with the memories overwhelming me, Isaac sat up in bed, kissed my tears and wrapped his little arms around me.

Isaac- I love how you call me "mama". I love how you lay in my bed in the morning, put your nose up to my face and loudly whisper. "MAMA. spugebob." (Spongebob.) You pretend to not like my kisses, and immediately rub them off. You try to be strong and hide your crying when your feelings are hurt. One of your favorite books is Llama Llama Misses Mama, and you get very emotional throughout each page- I can tell you are feeling little llama's pain as his mama leaves him at preschool for the first time. You ask both daddy and mommy to read your Matchbox Cars book to you each night. And mommy is so very proud of you for how well your speech has improved in the past year. Just the other day you woke up and said, "I go downstairs and play, mama." Even just three short months ago I wouldn't have imagined being able to hear you say that much. You love to cook, and enjoy baking cookies with mommy nearly every day.

To say "I love you" doesn't seem like strong enough words. You are my precious, precious son, and I am so blessed to have you in my life. XOXOXOXO



My Little Music Man

Since Isaac was just one year old, he has turned just about anything you can think of into a guitar. It started with the show Imagination Movers when he would dance and "play music" during the theme song and throughout the show. We took the kids to see the Imagination Movers live in 2009- it was so adorable when half-way through the show, it suddenly clicked with all three of them that these were the same people they watched on tv every week. It was like a lightbulb went off, and they went nuts.

This was Isaac during the show. He looks so little here!

For his second birthday, we bought Isaac his own childsize guitar from Toys R Us. It is still giant-sized compared to him (he is nearly three years old and wearing size 24 month clothes.) When we visited Amy's family last summer, we went to a Mexican restaurant with a live mariachi band. I captured some pictures and video- Isaac was completely intrigued the entire time.

I know I'm his mother, so I am partial, but is he not one of the most adorable little boys you have ever seen?

 Playing his fork guitar.

Sorry- the video is sideways, not sure what I was thinking when I filmed it. Just turn your computer, I guess.

I love you, my baby boy!



Lydia's First Steps

Lydia is getting closer to walking! She is braver by the day. I finally captured a step in action, just before she sat down.

I know- it's blurry, but you can tell she is stepping forward- hands free! It is so adorable to watch. She will be 13 months tomorrow- unbelievable. All my babies seemed to walk right around 13 months. I just watched the video from when Isaac first took off walking- he was so excited for himself that he couldn't stop laughing the entire time. I am sure there is a way I could transfer it from facebook to here, but I can't figure it out. FB friends- if you want to see it, just go to my videos and you can watch it there. Can I just reiterate for a millionth time how much I love my babies?!

Up and Down

I've been asked several times why I have not blogged in so long, and I'm finally back to explain my absence. It isn't because I became tired of writing, but because I wasn't ready to discuss a recent change in my life. While I don't feel it is a bad change, it is one that has required lots of prayer and reflection on what is best for my family. A few months ago, while working as an adjunct faculty member (teaching one hour a week- no typo: I said one hour) I was approached by the program with a full- time, tenure -track job opportunity. I immediately knew that a full time job outside the home was not an option for me, and let the college know that if they could consider making it part time, that I may be interested. To make a very long story short,  after several phone calls, meetings, negotiating, and praying, the full time position was tailored down to a part time position, and I accepted the job. I was elated- the schedule was flexible, and I would still be able to be active in my girls' elementary school and preschool. Assuming the job would turn into a career, Bill and I would not have to pay for college for our four children (tuition there is free for employees' dependents). Also, while Bill makes a salary allowing me to make the choice to stay home, having an extra income would allow us to pay off the mortgage at a very accelerated rate, which has always been a big wish of ours.

**Before I go further- I want to explicitly say that you will not find anyone less judgemental than me when it comes to "working" mom versus SAHM. I have been on both sides of the fence, and know that there can be overwhelming feeling of judgement from others- no matter what you choose. SAHMs can be made to feel that they "just stay home". (I hate that question, by the way. Don't ever ask a woman, "Do you work or just stay home?") Staying home full time raising children is one of the hardest jobs on the planet, and can be satisfying in and of itself. On the other hand, working moms can feel the condemnation from some SAHMs and other nosy adults. No one should take it upon themselves to imply to a mother that she is wrong in her choice. Wow, I'm rambling, aren't I...Here's my point- the following paragraphs are my own life story, and I do not judge what other mothers do.**

For the first two weeks with my new job, I couldn't stop smiling. I was home the majoirity of the time with my children and picking my girls up from school every day, yet was still getting out in the professional setting, using my degree, sitting at my desk in my own office, and feeling fulfilled in another area of my life. Then, after the honeymoon period wore off, I started wondering if I had made the right choice. It wasn't because I felt my children were suffering (my mom was taking care of them when I was away) but more to do with the fact that my title was gone. I could no longer say, "I'm a stay at home mom." That was more painful than I could ever imagine. Staying home with my children was such a gift- one that I had prayed for even before having children. I loved the fact that I got to be the primary person in my children's life, day in and day out. That isn't to say it wasn't exhausting. Some mornings I felt overwhelmed and burned out by the fact that I had the responsibility to not only take care of the children, but also the house and everything that comes with it- that the job never ends from the time you get up to the time you go to bed. When I first became a full time SAHM while pregnant with Isaac, I secretly struggled with this for several months. Working professionally as a PA, I was consistently commended for my work, and told what a good job I was doing. Suddenly leaving a job outside the home, I missed the affirmation more than ever. When you spend your days wiping noses and folding laundry, your baby isn't going to pat you on the back and say, "Job well done, Mom. That shirt was folded perfectly. And those dishes- wow, spotless."

These conflicting feelings made me wonder if I could ever let myself be content. When I was working, I wanted to stay home. Then I made the choice to stay home, yet consistently checked the want ads for PAs. Now that I was working again...I considered and almost quit twice in the past few weeks, because I was so unsure if I made the right decision. In this whole process, I prayed that if it was meant to be, that all the doors would open, and if not, that the door would slam shut. All the doors, and even windows, opened for me through this whole process. A career that has never been even considered part time in the past, was made so, and every single concern of mine was addressed and taken care of by the college. So to think that God would lay the plan out as such, with Bill and I both in prayer over the situation, I was so confused as to why the doors would open if it wasn't to be so. I will say this- with the exception of one horrible week where everything that could go wrong did, I have absolutely loved this new job, and have become a better mother for it in so many ways. I appreciate my time home with my children more than ever, am more "present" as they say, and still have that little piece of me that is my own apart from my role as mother and wife. I am so very blessed to have this choice to make, and remind myself of that every day.

A very sweet story before I end this post. Our son Isaac has some speech delay (he's not autistic in any way, but simply stubborn), and is working with a therapist. Three words he can say very clearly, and repeats often, is "up and down". When we ask him what he wants to pray for or what song he wants to sing, he says "up and down". Yesterday, while Lydia was napping and the girls were at school, I turned on Sesame Street. It isn't one of the shows he usually watches, and I'm not sure why I even turned it on, except to say that God must have been leading my hand on the remote. The subject of the show: Up and Down. For an entire 35 minutes, Isaac excitedly watched as Elmo talked about up and down, and sang up and down songs. I was floored at first, and then excited that our Lord had answered my little boy's nightly prayer for Up and Down. Thank you Lord Jesus, for using a little puppet named Elmo to make my precious boy's wish come true.

Roller Coaster Buddies

Anyone who has been around me with one of my children in the infant stage knows I kiss them. A lot. Like several kisses in a row, several times a day. Seriously, no joke. I'm surprised their cheeks aren't permanently scarred from my repetitive smooches. Bill thinks it is ridiculous, but I tell him that one day they won't want me to kiss them at any given time of the day, so I need to get the kisses in now while I can. Isaac, my sweet boy who used to let me snuggle him for as long as I wanted, has now reached that stage I have dreaded; I ask him for a hug or a kiss, and he yells "NO!!", then giggles hysterically. The only time I can guarantee affection from him is if he is nervous out in public, or when I'm tucking him into bed.

On the other hand, there does happen to be one person in his life for who he willingly gives hugs and kisses any time he sees her- his baby sister Lydia. He has been infatuated with her ever since the day I brought her home from the hospital. Even though Isaac was furious with me for leaving home for two nights and ignored me the first few days, he never took it out on his baby sister. He immediately wanted to sit and cuddle her that first afternoon, staring at her the entire time. It is still absolutely precious to watch. Even five months later, when he sees me bring her into the room, he immediately runs up to hold her and kiss her. I am barely able to nurse Lydia without Isaac glued to my side. I am so happy he loves her so, especially because they will one day be roller coaster buddies. Brooke and Madeline are already established as best friends, and as much as they love their baby sister too, I'm afraid the age gap will have some effect. So I'm praying that Lydia and Isaac will develop a similar bond that my two oldest have, despite the gender differences. And maybe, one day soon, I'll benefit from as much affection he willingly offers his sister. In the meantime, I'll take what I can get.