Last summer, I wrote
this post about extending my comfort zones. Part of me doesn't even know where to begin in telling you what's happened since last summer, because- well, there's so much to tell. It all began after reading the book
Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker, so I guess I'll start there. I downloaded her book to my Kindle after Amy couldn't stop talking about it, and was reading me passage after passage over the phone. I figured if she was so messed up (in a good way) after reading it, then I guess I might as well be messed up too. And mess me up, it did. I cried through the whole thing. Seriously- I sobbed. It was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes that I didn't even realize was there. I won't explain much more because, well- you'd have to read the book for yourself for it all to really make sense. Let's just say that I reevaluated everything in my life that I thought made me a Christian (not the essential doctrine-saved by grace- part, but the what-my-every-day-fruit- should- look- like part.) All this said, as much as I like Jen Hatmaker- which is a lot- she's a fallible human being with lots of opinions that I don't always agree with- but God used her book to move me. To hit a giant pause button in a summer that I will always mark as a significant date in my spiritual walk.
After reading the last page of the book, I sat on my front porch and prayed. I trembled, because I knew what I was about to tell God was important and life changing. In prayer, I gave Him full surrender to use me however He so wanted. I would go wherever He wanted me to go, do whatever He wanted me to do. I laid down every excuse I had ever given- I'm too shy, I have too many children, I already do enough at church...all that was gone. I simply asked Him to move freely in my life, and I would follow. And I meant every. single. word. Full surrender, no strings attached.
What followed wasn't perfect peace or clear direction. I was more like a mad hyena trying to find its prey. I cried to Bill that God had a plan for me and I needed to find it now. We should foster kids or adopt. We should sell our house and give away our possessions. (I wasn't kidding.) I was frantic to find what God wanted me to do. Bill, the voice of reason, told me I should stop the craziness (well, not in those words, he was nicer about it) and just be still and pray. And wait. So I did.
I then decided to call a woman named Gwen that we knew through our local church. She's an outreach coordinator for a local ministry here in town that restores urban communities through the message of Jesus Christ. She came over to our house one evening, and explained all the parts of the ministry. She then gave me a list to pray over, and see which part of the organization God was leading me toward. So every morning over the next several days, I prayed over that list. I didn't feel any tug in a certain direction during the first couple of days. Then by day three, I could hear the word "relationship" repeat in my head during prayer. By day four and five of hearing this word "relationship", I had gotten the hint, but was honestly a bit frustrated. I asked Him, "who is this person and how do I find them?" I had an elderly woman in my mind, who maybe needed company during the week. Finally, Gwen called me. I think she may have thought I had flaked out on her. I told her that I didn't feel God drawing me toward a specific ministry, but that the word "relationship" had been replaying in my head during prayer, and I was clueless to its meaning. She said she'd call Tressa, one of the branch managers, and see if she had anyone in my mind for me.
I didn't know this part of the story until days later, but when Gwen made her phone call, Tressa said, "Oh! That's the young mother I've been praying for!" It turned out that she was mentoring a young mom named Ashley with three small children. Ashley had only recently come to know Christ, and was still learning how to juggle motherhood while maintaining a household. So Tressa started to pray for a young Christian mother to come forward and walk along beside Ashley.
Isn't God just amazing? The same week that I sat down morning after morning, prayer list in hand, praying to my Heavenly Father with the word "relationship" singing in my ear- was the very same week that Tressa prayed for a young mother to come along. It still brings tears to my eyes to know that God would bother with me enough to not only answer my prayer, but to orchestrate it all in such a beautiful way.
Ashley and I have become amazing friends. I knew when we met that I had much to offer her, but I had no idea how much she had to offer me. She is so full of love for her Savior, it spills out as soon as you meet her. She wants everyone to know that God loves her and saved her from the pit of hell, and that He can save you too. She has no fear when it comes to witnessing, something with which I struggle. I am so grateful to know her.
God has moved in my life in other ways since that life changing prayer. I've been taking classes to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate within the foster care system, and will be sworn in by a judge next month. I've been taking my kids to volunteer in the same community where Ashley and her family live, and He's given me a love for the people there that I can't even explain. I've held their hands and prayed with them. I've watched my children hold their hands too, and pray with them, unafraid. I can't begin to express what that feels like. It's beautiful to watch your children be His hands and feet.
Thank you to Amy for telling about the book that helped wreck her life, thank you to Jen for writing it, thank you to Gwen, Tressa, and Ashley for moving in me, thank you to my husband for helping guide me, and thank you most of all, to my Lord God. For always loving me, never giving up on me, and always giving good and perfect gifts. Can't wait to see what's in store for 2014.
