New Normal

I've had a few days to let the news sink in, and my brain has unscrambled just enough to write about it. As I'm sure you've all read on facebook by now- there is a new normal going on in our home. We found out Tuesday that our thirteen month old baby Lydia is highly allergic to the following: peanuts, tree nuts, milk, soy, shrimp, and cats. And yes, we have a cat. (If you are interested in adopting him, please let me know.)  Lydia's reaction to the peanut testing was so severe that the physician ordered her to always wear a med alert bracelet, and that an epi-pen must be available at all times. Anyone left to care for her will have to know how to use the medication in case of emergency.

I was literally shaking as I left the office and gathered my kids back into the car. I could barely calm my hands down enough to drive- I had expected to hear she had allergies, but it was a whole other story to have those suspicions confirmed. I had just looked a physician in the eye while she told me that Lydia's allergies were potentially life threatening, and that based on the severity of her atopic dermatitis, eczema, and allergies to food and animals, she was on track to develop asthma in the next few years. I was given a list of information on food allergies, a blood draw order, an antihistamine prescription, and an epi pen kit along with a prescription for four epi pens to add to the one epi pen already in my purse. The rest of the day was then mixed with shock, crying, and more than an hour spent in the grocery store reading labels. I left Kroger that afternoon with three boxes of crackers that were both milk and soy free, and not much else- not even a loaf of bread.

I kept picturing birthday parties with children lined up to get a piece of cake while Lydia watched from the sidelines. I saw her at a school party eating a special cupcake from home while her classmates ate the regular party food. Our family's routine trips to the Dairy Queen are now a thing of the past, and eating out in general will have to come to an end unless we have full access to their nutritional information. I'll be able to keep her in an allergen-free bubble for the next few years, but the thought of sending her to school away from my watchful eye terrifies me.

While I had my suspicions for awhile, we were first jolted to awareness of Lydia's allergies after I gave her a couple bites of a peanut butter cookie. Watching her lips swell before my eyes, I feared I was watching my baby die right in front of me; it's one of the most frightening experiences of my entire life. Riding in the ambulance to the hospital was a life changing moment- I can't even fathom going through that again, only this time having the unimaginable play out. Our house is now a completely peanut/tree nut free zone, and our family in general will be adopting the same diet as I start to make everything homemade and allergen free.

Through this week's tears, I've been comforted by the following: One- that at the end of the day, we have a healthy, beautiful daughter who has brought our lives so much joy and happiness. Two- we have a Lord in Heaven watching over her, and giving us the strength to figure all of this out. Several years ago when my nephew was diagnosed with several food allergies, I prayed to God that He would spare my own children from any food allergy, as I would be too scared and nervous to deal with anything like that. But after the peanut episode with Lydia, I can say that , while I was never angry with God, I did wonder "Why? Why when I specifically prayed about this??"

While crying out to God about my worries this week, finally a gentle voice whispered, "Do you trust Me?" I'm going to cry while typing this... "Do you trust Me?" The Almighty God of Heaven, who created this earth and everything in it, who makes the sun rise and set each day, who knew my child before I even knew she existed- that same God is taking care of her, and He loves her more than I do. So yes Lord, I trust You, and I place her in Your hands, because I can't handle this on my own. It's too big. I'm too weak. I'm too scared to do this alone. I'm terrified that someone will accidentally feed her something bad, and I'm not there to stop it. I'm afraid that the next time her lips swell, so will her airway. I need You, Lord God, and yes, I do trust You.

"I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day." 2 Timothy 1:12