Raindrops of Blessing

I took a deep breath this morning as I handed Lydia her bottle. (Yes, she's too old for the bottle, I know, but she's the last baby, and mommy's not ready to switch.) Despite her terrible seasonal allergies, I'd successfully kept her off allergy medication for the past four days in preparation for a food challenge. Goat's milk has a different milk protein than cow's milk, so after speaking with the allergist, we were going to try it out. I've been praying for days and weeks that she would not react once I gave the goat's milk to her, and today was finally the big day. A part of me was a bit scared to find out for certain whether goat's milk was in or out. We did a soy challenge a few weeks ago that I'd been so hopeful for, only to find out a few hours later that she was definitely allergic to that as well. I just didn't feel ready to give up hope.

Though it's been a big lifestyle change, our family has been adjusting well to Lydia's allergies. I've been cooking and baking most of our foods from scratch, and reading labels for everything else. When she was first diagnosed, I knew it would eventually become old habit, and I'm happy to say we are slowly getting there. It's the little things that make it easier- I try to remember to pack some of her favorite foods when we go out to eat or attend a birthday party. She can have allergen free sweets, and I make her own cookies and cupcakes. Even with these adjustments, though, the mother's heart in me still breaks when she cries for something I can't give her, and it's a constant reminder that I can never let down my guard. At one of the girls' soccer games a few weeks ago, another one year old eating fish crackers wanted to play with Lydia, but I couldn't let her come close. I sound like a broken record explaining her food allergies to even perfect strangers if food is anywhere near, because I'm too afraid they will try to feed her something before I can stop them. All  in all, my thoughts aren't obsessed over the allergies as was the case a few months ago- it's just become part of normal daily living. I don't think twice when making sure the Epi-pen is always packed, and am not shy to teach anyone taking care of her how to use it. If peanuts are in the room, I don't apologize for immediately removing Lydia- her safety is priority.

I was talking to God the other day in my kitchen, and listing the different blessings that have come out of all this. I'll be honest when I say I'm not clear at all in what blessings that Lydia has received from her allergies, but I can definitely identify mine. My faith in God has grown exponentially. I'd mentioned in a previous post that many years ago I specifically prayed that God would spare my children of any food allergies, because I didn't think I'd be able to handle it. My Father took that prayer and answered it in a way I never could foresee back then. Instead of sparing my child from allergies, He did the opposite, and showed me that He is indeed trustworthy- He never leaves us with more than we can handle, but give us a supernatural strength to bring us through to the other side. Laura Story says it perfectly in her song Blessings: "All the while, You hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us lesser things, 'cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops, what if Your healing comes through tears, what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near." Not only did God show me that He is strong enough to get our family through this, I learned firsthand, and not in theory, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Had He answered that prayer the way I wanted Him to, I'd never have found out how to fall more deeply into His loving arms, and to fully place my children into His care. More trials will come, more tears will fall, and more grace and blessing will be bestowed from my Father.

Bill and I laid our baby girl in her crib tonight, with clear and beautiful skin. She has seemed to tolerate goat's milk so far. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for answered prayer. Your plan is bigger than my wildest dreams, and I trust You to carry us through.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ&feature=related