In the Palm of His Hand

So, yesterday was interesting, to say the least. Our church had a pool party in town to celebrate a great week of Vacation Bible School. I was in the baby pool with Lydia and Isaac when I noticed several raised bumps on Lydia's torso. She wasn't crying, and at first I thought maybe a mosquito bit her several times. Then I noticed an obvious sting mark on her wrist, and knew she was reacting to either a bee or wasp. I gave her Benadryl, but it didn't seem to make a difference.Within minutes the hives became bigger on her chest and side, and her lips started to swell. That's when I completely broke down and lost it. I couldn't hold the tears in as the fear overtook me, and I began sobbing. God is so gracious in His care, and I don't think it was an accident that I was surrounded by loving friends who took over for me. One called 911, while others took care of my other three children. Paramedics were there almost immediately, and my heart soon calmed down. Lydia was visibly shaken and scared, and her usually mild tremors were obviously worse. I tried my best to put on a happy face for her, and stopped my own tears. While in the ambulance, peace came over me. I felt the prayers of friends, and I was able to smile and talk to Lydia while helping her stay calm.

To make a long story short, it took two (maybe three, I can't remember clearly) doses of epinephrine, two to three doses of Benadryl, and steroids to bring her back to normal. At no time was her breathing ever compromised. HUGE praise. We went home that night.


I've struggled today to remind myself who's in control. I wish I could keep her indoors 24/7 where I can keep her safe. That's not faith though. That's just wild and uncontrolled fear. I am learning to let go and leave it in His hands. Again.  


Part of me is sad. Lots of tears. Another part is angry at one more way our daughter could possibly die.
As if food, air, and brain function weren't enough methods.


In the weeks leading up to Lydia's recent food allergy testing, I prayed so hard for all of her allergies to be taken away. Part of my prayer was that if it wasn't in His plan to completely heal her, that He would at least remove the shellfish allergy. Random, but that was my prayer. Guess what allergy she no longer has? Her dairy and peanut allergies were even worse, and she has a new allergy to melons, but tears welled up in my eyes when I heard about the shellfish, because I knew He had heard me. It was as if I literally felt Him hold me in that moment, and remind me of His care for both me and Lydia. 


We'll get through this. In the palm of His hand. 

Good News Update

You know what feels really good? Leaving a doctor's appointment with a smile on your face. You know, instead of biting your tongue trying to fight back the tears so your three year old doesn't get scared and ask why mommy's crying. Lydia had appointments with two of her specialists last week, and both couldn't have gone better. Well, except for the part where the doctor looks baffled and explains, "It's a miracle! She's been healed!" Maybe one day. But on this day, her allergist decided to lower one of her asthma medications, and the neurologist was amazed at how quickly Lydia had responded to her seizure medication. She noticed what many others have said to me- it's like Lydia has awakened from a haze. She is more present and engaged in what's going on around her. She talks a lot more, and her vocabulary has probably tripled in the past month. Her preschool teachers say that she walks around and plays with toys instead of sitting and observing the other children the entire time. It's not to say she was a zombie- she is a very bright girl with loads of personality. It's just that she has multiplied those traits many times over since the seizures have been greatly decreased. The neurologist said that her EEG was so jam-packed of seizure activity, that her brain was constantly short circuiting (using very layman terms here). Now, she can actually focus uninterrupted, and it has made such a huge difference. To look at her, you would have very little idea how much she has overcome, and still deals with on a daily basis. I am just so very thankful for her, and for how many ways God has blessed her. I cry every time I really sit and think about it.

One thing the neurologist mentioned- and I was pretty much shocked by it- is that Lydia qualifies for Make A Wish. I, as I'm sure most people do, usually think of children with terminal illness qualifying for this charity. Such a possibility had never even crossed my mind. My initial response was a mixture of Wow, that's depressing- and Wow, that's awesome! I mean, if any good can come out of all she's been through, then bring it on! Then, my feet quickly hit the ground, and I realized two things: first, that at this stage in her life it would be our wish, not hers, and second- she is doing so well medically speaking at this point, and (other than the occasional tantrum because she doesn't understand her food allergy restrictions,) has really no idea that she has medical issues. She isn't going through chemo, or enduring weekly hospital visits. So we aren't going to pursue that avenue any time soon- but it is kind of cool to know it's there. It's a charity that you pray you never have to use, but is such a blessing to those who need it.

So to sum it all up, Lydia takes a lot of medication every day and wears a pretty darn cute medical alert bracelet, but other than that is a normal two year old- tantrums and all. Which- I'm working on. I had it in my head that her medication was affecting her mood and causing this wretched behavior, but the neurologist gently let me know that no, she's a strong willed two year old with a mommy who feels sorry for her. Yep, she hit it dead on. I think that's a blog post all on it's own.