The (sometimes loud) Voice of God

Ever wish to yourself that God Himself would drop down from Heaven and tell you exactly what to do in certain situations? I usually have to dedicate a lot of time to prayer to figure things out, and occasionally I'll even get a little whisper in my head of which direction to take. I have had the privelage, though, of a few very rare times in which God has explicitly spoken to me in a voice so loud it cannot be ignored, and there is no question it was Him. One of those times was in college, a few weeks before my PA class was to leave for our rotation year. We were in the auditorium learning about the different rotaion sites, and would soon be turning in our three top choices. My decision had been made a year before. I wanted more than anything to be in City X where my fiance (future best hubby of the universe) would be living. We could see each other every day and together plan our upcoming wedding. It sounded like the perfect situation, so it never even occurred to me that I should be praying about this decision. To be perfectly honest, God's choice didn't even play a part in my mind.

As I was sitting in the auditorium, I scanned the room for my "competition". There were only so many slots available, and I didn't want anyone to boot me out. Out of nowhere, a very clear and loud voice said to me- "You aren't going to City X, you're going to City Y." I knew immediately who was speaking to me. I'd like to say my first reaction was "Wow, God just spoke to me!" and my second reaction as, "Yes, Lord! Yes, Lord! Yes, yes, Lord!" (Love that song.) Instead, my first reaction was "Wow, God just spoke to me!" and my second was, " I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CITY Y!!!" (Aren't we sinners predictable?) City Y was three hours from my hometown, and nearly 5 hours from my fiance. I didn't know a single soul there, and would be as lonely as all get-out. Why in the world would God want me there of all places? Did He WANT me to be completely miserable?? Because I would be. No doubt. I would be sad, and lonely, and miserable. But if that's what God wanted, I knew I'd be even more miserable if I chose against His will. So, despite my own desires, I put my number one choice as City Y. How was I going to explain this one to my fiance and family?

The next year was interesting. Was I lonely? Yes, most definitely. I cried myself to sleep every night for three months straight. Was I sad? Frequently. Was I miserable? No. I have many fond memories of that year. I leaned on God more than ever before to help me get through my loneliness and despair. I also had fun; I had great preceptors and learned so much more than just medicine. I wasn't distracted by the desire to hang out with my fiance, and learned that the heart really does grow fonder in absence. Most importantly, I gained boldness in witnessing to patients about my faith, and still pray for one man in particular every time I think of him.

I have frequently wondered why God chose to speak to me the way He did, and I think I've figured out why. He most likely whispered the answer to me so many times before, but in my stubbornness, I failed to hear Him. I'm so glad He didn't give up on me, and decided instead to shake me up and make me listen. Otherwise I would have missed out on so much growth as a person and as a Christian. What a loving Father we have. I'm so glad He never gives up on us, aren't you?

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8