How to Not Show Your Kids a Good Time

Since my previous post on how not to make applesauce seemed well received, I decided to continue the theme for tonight's post, in what I call How to Not Show Your Kids a Good Time. This un-fun-filled day starts at 5am sharp with all the smoke alarms in the house simultaneously screaming, while your husband leaps from the bed to try to find the mysterious fire. Thankfully there was no fire, but we may have a ghost according to my best friend Amy (who by the way, makes amazing chocolate balls. Check out her recipe here on her blog.)

Next on the agenda is to spend the rest of the morning trying to keep four cranky, too-early-awakened children happy, only to give up at 11:00am,sending them to naptime immediately after a quick lunch. They need to be well rested, because after naptime comes the best part. Think of the one place in the entire world that makes getting a root canal without anesthesia seem like a better way to spend your day. That's right- we are headed to the good old Department of Motor Vehicles!! I told the girls we were going to the car store, and they started to jump up and down for joy. No, no, I said, shattering their precious little dreams. Where we are going is not fun, but it is boring, and will require us all to sit still, be quiet, and do nothing.

To continue making sure that no fun is had by anyone, it will not even cross your mind to pack anything fun, like Leapsters, or CD players, or even paper and crayons. No, you will leave with nothing to occupy tiny hands. You will even throw in one more round of those possessed smoke detectors randomly going off, and making your traumatized two year old run around screaming in pure terror. (I also made sure that I was talking on the phone to Amy, who may have permanent hearing damage at this point, I'm not quite sure. )

You will make sure to pack the tandom stroller in the back of the SUV. This is supposed to be the day of no fun, not the day of complete and utter insanity. You then say a prayer as you pull out of the garage and onto the road.

At the DMV, you get in a long line in a hot, non-air conditioned building packed shoulder to shoulder with other motorists, some of whom you pray are not on the road at the same time as you, either by their extreme youthful appearance (and therefore, inexperience behind the wheel) or by an overall look of instability. The ticket you are handed at the end of the first line will look something like this.

Notice the estimated wait time of two minutes. Oh, optimistic computerized printout- how funny you are! Thirty minutes later, which included Isaac growling at the man behind us (my son decided he was a bear today), Madeline making up a song for the elderly lady sitting next to us (she didn't appreciate it as much as I think she should have),  repeatedly explaining to Brooke why she could not hold the precious piece of paper with the numbers on it, and keeping a five month old happy and entertained, it was finally our turn at window number two. After a relatively pain-free exchange to renew the car's license registration, it was time to head to Grandma's. Oh, but not before Isaac decided that, even though we were just a few feet from sweet escape, it was time to become impatient and refuse to sit back in the stroller. I took a deep breath, and wrangled him into the seat in front of dozens of watchful eyes who had nothing better to do than watch this crazy mother with four children at the DMV on a crowded Friday afternoon.

The day of no fun is finally complete after a standstill on the interstate due to a wreck. Thankfully it didn't look like a fatal accident, and we were soon on our way to wonderful relief at my mom's house. But before I conclude this how-to blog, I'd like to send a message to Mr. Impatient Acura. Sir, it seems that your life would be so much easier if you would slow down, stop tailgating a mother with precious cargo, and weaving in and out of traffic. You can only go as fast as the cars ahead of you, and I guarantee that your business is no more important than the rest of ours.

And so ends the day of no fun. I will say that any day ending with my family safe, healthy, and intact is considered a success, but I think that a day at the zoo tomorrow sounds like an awesome idea to me. Hopefully this will conclude the How Not To series, though I seriously doubt it. I'll now leave you this evening with a few more images from the day.