Eyes of Peace

I was relaxing (if that's a word you can use twenty hours after giving birth) in my hospital bed, waiting for Bill and my mom to arrive. It was about 9am and they were going to be bringing me those scrumptious cinnamon and raisin biscuits from Hardees. Madeline was in the nursery, so I was soaking in the alone time. My amazing pediatrician, who I had known since Brooke's birth a year and a half before, then walked into the room. I smiled at her, and my heart immediately sunk to the pit of my stomach. She was smiling too, but mother's instinct told me something was very wrong. As she began telling me all the positive findings of the newborn exam, I couldn't hear her. I was impatiently waiting, and I wanted to yell, "Get to the part that is making your face look all funny!!" Then she told me. She found something wrong with Madeline's eye. She knew the name of the genetic disorder, but needed to do some more research before she could tell me more. From what she could remember, babies could fall anywhere in the spectrum between normal sight and complete blindness in the affected eye. The medical name rung a bell to me from my PA training, but I couldn't remember much more than that. Coloboma of her left eye- her pupil looked like a keyhole, and would for the rest of her life. The doctor promised she would research more back at her office and fax me some information.

I immediately felt the fear rise up inside me. No, she would never die from this, but blindness in one eye? This was heavy. I called Bill, and told him with a shaking voice that there was something wrong with her eye. I hung up the phone and cried out to God. I don't remember my prayer, but while praying, I immediately felt supernatural peace overcome my body. I couldn't explain it, but the fear was completely gone. Yes, my baby may be blind in her left eye, but God would take care of her. He knit her together in my womb, and the "mistake" that caused the deformity of her eye before I even knew I was pregnant was not a mistake at all. God had never removed His protective hand from her.

We had an appointment with a pediatric ophthamologist just a few days later, and in the days leading up to the appointment, I was more worried that Madeline hadn't pooped than I was about her eyesight. While the doctor examined her eye, knowing that in the next few seconds we would have the answer, my heart never sped up once. It was in God's hands, and I was satisfied with that knowledge alone. "She has vision in this eye- it is likely purely cosmetic." My mom and I were elated- thank you Jesus! I praise Him to this day that He spared her sight, but I would have praised Him even if He didn't. Madeline had to wear an eyepatch a few months later, but she has since been released from her routine ophthamology appointments. I still am concerned that she will be teased as she gets older, but she loves her unique eye, and I catch her staring at herself in the mirror as I walk by the bathroom.

I've experienced similar circumstances that have brought me to my knees in prayer before and since then- it is part of being a parent. My church is doing a women's Bible study with Beth Moore's series called Breaking Free. This week we looked at some of the benefits of a relationship with Christ, and one of those is peace. Here's a quote from Beth: "Peace comes in situations completely surrendered to the sovereign authority of Christ. Sometimes when we finally give up trying to discover all the answers to the "why's" in our lives and decide to trust the sovereign God, unexpected peace washes over us like a summer rain. We sometimes lack peace in far less strenuous circumstances because we are not as desperate or likely to turn them over to God."  When we are confronted with something so much bigger than ourselves, we cry out to God and completely surrender the situation to Him, like I did in that hospital room. But in the little things, like a newborn who won't poop, we try to handle it on our own, and not let the Prince of Peace reign in every area of our life. It's a daily commitment I make, but I don't always succeed. God, may I continue to surrender every part of me to You, and to remember Your promise of peace in all areas of my life. "...and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

She takes my breath away.