I became teary-eyed at church this morning. It had nothing to do with the fact that I left my six month old in the nursery for the first time, or that I was overwhelmed managing four children in four different classes/nursery rooms. It had to do with walking away and leaving my oldest daughter Brooke in Kid's Church. She was promoted a few weeks ago to the school age class, and so there are a lot more "big kids" around her. On this particular morning I could tell she was nervous because she couldn't find a familiar face right away. I saw a friend of hers out of the corner of my eye, and brought Brooke over to her. My baby girl was visibly relieved, and settled into her seat. Yet I immediately choked up. I flashed backward in my mind to all the times I was scared as a child, looking for a friendly face, and then I flashed forward to next month when she will experience the same emotions. I walked away quickly before she could see my face, and then let the tears flow at the nursery door while dropping off the baby. The sweet nursery workers thought I was crying about leaving Lydia.
As much as I know for a fact that God will take care of her, I can't imagine walking away from the school on that inevitable day in one piece. So I am asking my blog-world friends with school age children- how did you do it??? I can't think about it for more than a second or even drive by the school without the tears welling up in my eyes. She will always be my baby, and I am viewing the school system as a loss of her innocence- as the start of pain and hurt from bullies, and possibly even worse, her friends. I'm even more scared that she will be going through pain and I won't know about it because she won't tell me. I always tell her she can come to me about anything, but is that enough? So I ask, in practical terms, how did you do it? Submit your story in the comment section below, and I may use your story in a future blog post.
Ok - now I have tears in my eyes, too. How did I do it - 5 times? I cried and sat in the car for a little while. We only had 1/2 day kindergarten. 4 of 5 didn't want to be there that first day. Angie never looked back. (There's always one - maybe it's Brooke?) I'll be praying for you - and her. You're a great mom, Michelle. Just keep being you - God will do the rest. :)
ReplyDeleteFor my oldest, I stayed in the hallway all day, for the first week. See he has autism and I had been sheltering this little boy from the world, afraid someone would pick on him or treat him differently, or that he might need me. He didn't know I was there until the last day. His class came out to go to recess and he was holding hands with another little boy and I knew he was okay without me. He's 8 and I still have trouble leaving him. My other 2 children practically pushed me out the door to the school! You will cry and it will be hard, but remember God is always watching over them, even when Mommy cant!
ReplyDeleteThese are the things I realized when I took Caleb to school for the first time. It is hard, but you have to remember you know all of these things can happen because you have experienced them. With each thing that happens there is a lesson learned from it. You would not be the person you are today had you not gone through all the good and bad times you have throughout your life. Just be there when she needs you and keep reminding her that God is there always for her when you might not be immediately available. Although, I have a feeling that she will do perfectly fine. She is being taught by two people who love her very much, plus lots of love from the extended family. Just think how much she can pass on to the other kids in her class.
ReplyDeleteSo on that first day,,,hold the tears until you drop her off. Or just hide behind the video camera like I did. Then go home and enjoy the other 3 that are there to play with. Then when she is a preteen you will sit back and think, "man that first day of kindergarten was a walk in the park compared to dealing with this age." Not that I speak from experience. :o)